Friend Probation...Really?

The RHOD “wives” are on fire this week as they continue their journey in Copenhagen. It has been a trip of major up’s and down’s. Some friendships have started their first steps in a healing process, some are challenging the boundaries, while others may not even no where the lines of friendship lie in any given situation. As Cary stated at their final night dinner, “we are stuck in the middle because we are friends with each of you.” This trip has only perpetuated the fact that in some relationships, especially with LeeAnne and Brandi, there is no trust and what I call a “lack of confidence” in thoughts, actions, and feelings. It reminds me of the old song we would chant at others, especially when we felt we were being bullied, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Yet, is this true, though? Broken bones will heal and words may cut deeply if they are directed at us in a vulnerable manner. Yes, we know words carry power and the intention is the added turbo boost of that power. Cary gave a compliment to LeeAnne on her delivery is so much better. As others share their brutal beliefs about LeeAnne directly to her, she is now more able to react calmly. Good work, LeeAnne, in your journey.

Relationships are here for us to learn lessons about ourselves and how to grow as we react. It is important to highlight the point for one of my earlier blogs on “pushing buttons” in friendships and relationships. The closer we are and the longer we have know each other, the more pain points we are aware of in our life and theirs. It is a “don’t” to dig deep into those raw areas we may have knowledge about for the other person to inflict pain. Just as in a marriage or other close relationship, it is unhealthy to bring forth the reminders of all our mistakes from the past to create a platform of revenge and judgement. Choices are always ours to make in any conversation that occurs. Are we bringing forth positive language or even stating the most difficult in healing terms, not hurtful ones?

We are all very aware Leanne is still learning the how to become better in friendship. As she walks forward, the road is long and bumpy and she will stumble along the way. We all do. As she and D’Andra have a neutral “restart’ to their relationship, they will walk slowly and if they communicate intentions and feelings and use positive based language, they will progress in a new way.

During dinner, the explosive fireworks of Brandi and LeeAnne finally ignite. Brandi states her opinion about how others may be believing the “new view of LeeAnne”, yet she is not so easily swayed with lies. She felt all of the women were lying to her and they are all just fake in how they interact. Brandi expresses her feelings about LeeAnne directly targeting her with saying, “I despise YOU!” Wow, powerfully charged words! Brandi exits the restaurant and walks down the street in Copenhagen to a local bar. LeeAnne’s face reflects the hurt and shock, but manages to not respond with any more than a supportive statement to Brandi.

Once again, D’Andra and Stephanie are stuck in the middle of another argument of two dear friends. It is difficult to stand up for friends and others who are not even a part of a conversation. Before walking to meet Brandi, Stephanie stops to connect with LeeAnne in a beautifully positive way. They create an exchange I felt was powerful and one worth noting. LeeAnne lets Stephanie know she doesn’t want her in the middle and how she does need to go to a friend who is in need. Stephanie feels stuck and sees both women are in the “wrong” for communicating the way that they have been with others and about others. She makes sure LeeAnne knows she can’t do the “low blows” filled with revenge and pain and expect to have others support her. Have you ever felt trapped between two friends during a battle of the “she said‘ s”? Remaining neutral in the conversation and only pointing out the positive when possible is the only way to stay clear of your own involvement and being used as ammunition in the process.

As the women return from their trip the drama came with them. During their time away in Copenhagen, there is an occurrence that has everyone speculating if it could or couldn’t happen. Can someone “clone” all the information on a someone else’s phone by just being near it? Is that I an episode of CSI or are we now delving into espionage? It is another example of “playing UP” what you did to me by what I am doing to you. Between the accusations of stealing someone’s phone to cloning phones. multiple women are in an uproar. Others are now under scrutiny for their allegiance with LeeAnne or Brandi based on whether you are on “friend probation” or not. Proving who you trust and why is a way to lose, not win, in this version of RHOD “battle”. We are only heating up with this “Clonegate” and realize nothing is calm or solved yet. Did LeeAnne decide to make Brandi “pay” for her behavior with a passive aggressive conversation? Is game playing the best way to communicate your feelings of hurt and pain? As LeeAnne shares, there was no cloning and yes, it was a way to spotlight Brandi being a mean girl.

Is lying ever a good reaction? Is it ever necessary? That’s a question for another blog. Final dramas are coming...could they heat up even more? When the RHOD “wives” are involved, it will be HOT.

Until then...stay tuned!

Lori

Have you picked up a copy of my newest book, Step OUT, Step UP, Step Forward: How to Walk in Your Purpose? The holidays are coming and you may want to gift it to a friend, colleague or family member. Take time for yourself to read and reflect during the last month of 2018 with a copy of the Companion Journal, too. We are having a holiday sale for the bundle of autographed books on my website at: walkwithlori.com . There will also be a sale to download the Ebook on any platform for $2.99 beginning next week on 12/12.

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