I HEAR You...

RHOD Season 4 Episode 6

With lingerie as the theme for tonight’s bridal shower for LeeAnne, you would think I’d be writing about the fun of the party. But that is not the case at all. Instead, I was struck by how people in our lives can be so supportive by being there for us and truly hearing what we are saying when we express our inner feelings and thoughts.

Have you ever said, “You aren’t hearing how I feel; you just want to solve the problem?” I know I have. I don’t always want an answer or for my friends or husband to “fix” my situation. I just want to be heard. My clients frequently share this sentiment. They come to me to be “heard” first, solutions second—and sometimes not at all in a typical, emotionally charged session.

In this episode, the housewives provide us a beautiful example of the need to be heard. We begin with D’Andra getting ready for her follow-up discussion with Travis about her business. Emotions are high, options are low, and trust must be there for it to have a successful outcome.

D’Andra shares with Jeremy how her conversation went with Travis and how they envision the next steps will be to save her company, if possible. Great advice surfaces from a powerful businessman she trusts. Yet, since he isn’t emotionally invested, he offers the best advice that focuses on the business choices that need to be made. The information gleaned is helpful, and D’Andra knows it is the “right” business decision. Yet, her heart tells her a different story. Jeremy listens to her heart and lets her know he will be there for her. The most powerful statement he makes is, “Make your own legacy.” When we are walking a path of passion and purpose in our work and career, we see the operations through two unique lenses: emotional mission and conceptual business.

After the meeting, Travis checks in with Stephanie to have a conversation with her, and he recounts the day as a follow-up to his meeting with D’Andra. As an extremely busy and driven businessman, you may wonder why he supported a friend of Stephanie’s. The answer is because it was important to his wife and her friend, as well as a kind and compassionate thing to do for someone else experiencing business challenge.

As the topic shifts from D’Andra, Travis asks how her trip with the women transpired. The drama unfolds as Stephanie expresses the “she said/she said” moments of the challenges in Mexico involving a friendship with Kameron. Travis says, “How do you feel in the relationship?” She pours her heart out about her hurt feelings, how she feels she must repress her feelings and conversations around some of the others, and that when she does this, it creates pain, depression, and anxiety.

When we are not true to ourselves first and allow our own voice to be heard, we feel stifled and inconsequential around others. Stephanie continues expressing how her conversations with Kameron on the trip were a source of friction and how it concerns her. Did she stand up for her own feelings and hold Kameron accountable in these interactions? In her own honesty, she realizes it is time to confront Kam when the time is right to let her know how she felt during the trip. Stephanie feels she has given her numerous chances to be a good friend.

Travis listens, supports her, and gives good questions for her to consider. In other words, he truly hears her. What a powerful example! Travis also lets her know he is her biggest supporter, even when she doubts herself, and says, “You are one of the greatest and coolest people I know.”

What do we all want from our significant others, friends, family members, and especially loved ones? To be heard. To believe in us and support our lives with our passions and focus in mind.

It doesn’t matter what challenges life may bring. Being heard and knowing someone is walking with us on our path when we need them is powerful.

When we are judged by others, a true friend should allow you to speak. Travis did that. What does it mean to be heard? It is someone else hearing how we feel, how it connects to what’s important to us in our most core beliefs, and what expectations we think it changed, shifted, or demolished. It may include the potential outcome or opportunity we feel unprepared to approach with the skills and strategies we currently have.

Listening to someone else isn’t about the words, but the feelings and importance to us behind them. Remember, we don’t need it fixed, just felt. We don’t need a list or rationale or statement of acceptance. We need someone to care that the loss of the potential or the outcome is a setback. Learning to accept and keep moving forward is key. Walking beside us and letting us work through the hurdles or hiccups without judgement matters deeply. You also need to remember to share your mission, your heart, your inner feelings with someone in your life. You will be glad you did.

Ask yourself, Who has the depth of character to walk next to me? Who gives me the highest understanding of where my feelings lie and knows and respects my core values? Let’s face it, this is the most important question: who do you feel listens to you and hears your heart the best?

Step OUT, Step UP, and Step Forward, dear ones, and BE HEARD...

Lori