RHOD Season 4 Episode 5
Hola from Mexico as the housewives continue their trip! They each have a real desire for deeper friendships, seeing each other in a new light, and releasing all the preconceived notions that have been getting in the way. Kary senses the need for shared experiences between the women. She sees how the past has affected every potential conversation that occurs and the emotional reactions involved.
Sometimes, when conversations between friends or even colleagues get heavy, it is difficult to stay positive and move forward. The words can penetrate our minds, and their tone and inflection plays over and over. Yet, we all continue to crave real connection and authentic interaction. When we open up to each other, we take a step forward in our own mind and heart release.
How did the women engage in this concept of “release”? Strangely enough, it takes place in a sweat lodge and then during an open and painful conversation about triggers around margaritas.
Kary organizes another spiritual encounter involving a sweat lodge, chanting, mud, and detoxing. Reluctantly at first, the “wives” enter in small, intimate groups as they duck and crawl through the opening of the hut-like structure. Little did they know, the closeness of the experience would bring forth such raw emotion, gratitude, and honesty, bringing the beginning of personal healing individually and between those who participated.
What can we take away from the experience they provide for us? When we set intention for our own release and purposeful healing, it ignites the mind, body, and spirit to be engaged.
Mud is a natural detoxifier... it releases the impurities of the toxins within the body. We need to do a similar cleansing for our relationships by being aware of the negativity and thought processes that do not serve us or others. They must be eradicated for true overall health and well-being to be achieved. Where can you begin? What unnecessary “life baggage” are you carrying? It is your time.
As I share with my life with others, I reserve my triggers—or “anchors,” as I call them—for only a trusted few. If someone doesn’t know what targets your core, find the best way to establish healthy boundaries first. Boundaries are not exclusionary to others; they are about respect and learning how we can safely honor each other.
As Kam suggests, when one fire is put out in this group, another is fueled. Sometimes, that is the case in groups of women when the personalities are strong and outspoken. Be proactive. Listen more, talk less. Build trust over time—don’t expect it. Share what’s appropriate only with the person in question. You are all correct in that talking to others about a challenge never resolves anything. Direct and purposeful conversations work best (with boundaries in place).
Talking about our trash, her trash, my trash, and their trash only enhances our triggers in life, those deep, dark places we protect and may be working on healing over time. The “wives” know each other’s “triggers” in some ways. How can we reexamine these in a healthy way?
First, ask yourself, Am I a receiver or a giver of triggers? When we provoke the triggers of others, it creates a reaction for us, too, if we are open to our own responses. Do we feel elated and energized? Are there certain conversations for us that trigger difficult thoughts and challenges? Are those for us to deeply secure in our souls or recognize and release? Sometimes, it is effective to examine these triggers or anchors slowly with support in a trusting circle of close friends.
Eventually, the most powerful growth can occur when we feel the pain and are not afraid to heal, but some are deeply embedded and not ones we bring into our daily discussions. Can our triggers be understood by others as well as we understand them? Respect is key. Knowing we all have them in some way and with differing levels of intensity can assist our focus.
When women hope for closer relationships, deeper connections, and increased trust—even with betrayal, hurt, rejection, and “drama” of different levels—we highlight ways to find a neutral space of joy and gratitude where you can all be together. We understand our neutral acceptance and ability to look forward to opportunity, not backward to a past of discord and challenges, the times we didn’t see eye-to-eye or didn’t hear what the other person was truly saying. Telling someone how to feel will never be supportive of building a bridge to understanding. Keep your eyes and your conversations around being open and hearing not just “what” is being said, but “how” it is being shared.
To what extent do you want conversations that mean something in your life? Do you desire friendships that are supportive and collaborative, not competitive and ego-driven? Where do you find those deep connections in your life? According to the latest research, women need time—at least two times a week—with other women who can understand their journey and the challenges they face each day. It releases necessary endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin, something I personally work on with women in my practice. Are you taking the time to create these moments? As we say, find your tribe and love them hard.
If you are seeking positive interactions and deeper connections in a community of caring women, join us.
Sawubona Sister Gatherings are just beginning and are held both face-to-face and through online Zoom calls for deeper conversations. To find out more, contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org. See our calendar of events and newest kickoff in November 2019 on our Facebook page, Walk with Lori.
Remember, Step OUT, Step UP, and Step Forward...